It occurred to me that I should let John McCain know that I'm available for the VP nod. He's gonna need me, since Palin has become a clownish embarrassment lately. Here's my qualifications:
As you can see, I would vastly improve your chances, John. Call me.
America, I tell you these things purely as a public service, because I know if it came out that Sarah Palin was the love child of Joe Stalin and Jane Fonda, and spent her off hours freebasing coke and clubbing baby seals, gun and religion hugging hicks would still be proud to see her wink at the camera and say, 'You Betcha!'. And they would still back her (ridiculous and comedic) candidacy and get all indignant at the gotcha journalism perpetrated by a member of the audience against the fragile girl from Alaska who would undoubtedly, if elected, be able to stare down foreign leaders with her withering look that says, "What was the question again?"
See, when you can't stand the thought of God damned commie liberals getting their welfare-giving, pacify-terrorist-advocating, socialized-medicine-bringing, fag-loving, reparations-for-slavery-handing-out hands on the White House, you NEED a Sarah Palin on the ticket so you can appear to be all progressive and anti-sexist. What the hell would you be able to say if it was McCain-Cheney or McCain-Romney? Romney has all the right right right wing cred that Palin has, AND the savvy and experience she lacks, but he's an old white guy. Even hardcore Republicans know that ticket would be impossible for reasonable people to swallow when you're trying to appear to be bringing change. Why not Kay Bailey Hutchison? She's a woman, loves guns and big oil, and has plenty of experience and no pregnant teenage daughters (as of this writing). But oops: She's pro-choice and doesn't inspire rednecks everywhere to lock themselves in the bathroom with the K Y jelly.
The Barracuda was the best appeal-to-the-42-demographics-we-alienated-with-the-McCain-selection that the Republicans could find. No one could possibly appeal to everyone who is not a rich old white man. Sarah was a valiant effort to get women, mothers, hunters, anti-choice zealots, gun nuts, etc. on the Strait Jacket Express. And she also allows racists, war mongers, status quo preservers, and religious nutjobs to jump aboard as well, without having to actually put on their white sheets and hoods, or burning any crosses. I am a fucking biased liberal asshole because I want to know why she says 'nukular' like G W Bush, when clearly the Vice-President of America should probably have some basic command of the English language. Whatever.
Such is life. Here's another liberal jerk who has the balls to point out 12 lies Palin has told that she hasn't even bothered to correct or make true retroactively: http://andrewsullivan.theatlantic.com/the_daily_dish/2008/09/the-twelve-odd.htmlHave a nice day.