This stinking election we just had has provided plenty of surprises and caustic debate, both on the web and in households across America.  Some friends and web readers have vigorously opposed my opposition to Johnny Maverick.  Some accused me of drinking the Obama kool-aid, others just think I'm a fucking hippie.  Since I regularly shoot at hippies, both from my porch with a 12 gauge, and out my car window with a Beretta Nine, it's safe to say those last critics don't know me.

  Trust me when I tell you, I want to drink the kool-aid.  Dammit, I like kool-aid! I want to believe in change, in an America where everybody works, where every child is wanted and loved, where different beliefs are respected and combined to raise America above the ridiculous xenophobia, greed, and destructive leanings that grip nearly every country in the world.

Unfortunately America is still full of assholes trying to take my money and force me to live by their rules.  Frequently these rules come from some book that was written thousands of years ago, probably by drunks who wanted to play a joke on us all.  On top of this, most of the idiots who want me to bow down to their book have either never read it, or twist it's words to suit their demands.  They frequently shit on the hero of their book, this cat named Jesus.

  Jesus was a kind man who frequently reached out to hookers and criminals, not to rebuke them, but to show them that there is a better life in mercy, temperance, and service to others.  There was no living being in His world that this guy turned His back on.  He never once sought revenge, and frequently doled out love and forgiveness to those who betrayed Him, criminalized Him, and eventually nailed Him to a cross, despite the fact that capital letters were always used when referring to Him.

If he came back today, my suspicion is, He'd be mightily pissed with all that's been done to thwart His message.  And his most major wrath would probably be reserved for those that claim to serve Him, being that they had His Book and all.

But I digress.   

There have been some cats in the news lately that have had interesting lives, to say the least.  Between gay nazis, ex-KKK Senators, and a Planet killer that makes the Death Star look like a pansy-mobile, I wonder how anybody can know anybody else.

Take this Jörg Haider character.  The son of Nazis, he grew up to be a hard-right-leaning politician in Austria.  Frequently accused of xenophobia and base populism, he often took a hard line on things like immigration and religion.  So far, so good.

But whoops, this guy appears to be a raving homosexual...

If you thought being gay was the provenance of American decadence, well, think again.  Europeans have been refining gayness since the Romans invented it.  This guy Haider, he had it down. 

There are of course, hardline Austrians who want to deny the obvious, and insist Haider was merely 'flamboyant'.  It's really difficult for some people to get their xenophobia from a Libarace-loving pansy boy.  It conflicts with their understanding that righteous hatred is reserved only for the straight Nazis.  It gives me great enjoyment to see those folks dealing with that.  Because I know lots of straight politicians that, like Haider, surround themselves with a cadre of young tan boys and a guy like Stephan Petzner, an ex-cosmetics and fashion reporter half his age. Oh, those Conservative fashion reporters!  They think they're so big.

Too bad Haider wrapped his car around something hard and got himself killed just the other day.  Now the fashion reporter has taken his place.  Avon calling!

Then you have Senator Robert Byrd, who's a Democrat from West Virginia.  But not the hippie-peace-love-and-dope kind of Democrat.  More like the Exalted-Cyclops-in-the-KKK type.  That was Byrd's title when he was in the KKK back in the day when Democrats were the racists and Republicans were the Progressives.  I.e., before LBJ.

This is a guy who used the term 'white nigger' in public and fought against desegregation.  But he also gave a speech in February of 2003 that is absolutely Bad to the Bone.  He pretty much predicts how Iraq is going to go, but we go anyway.  A sample:

  "This Administration, now in power for a little over two years, must be judged on its record.  I believe that that record is dismal."

  He goes on to state things that were obvious to him, me, and about forty-two other people in this country who weren't interested in George W's private war.  The Youtube link is over there.  This guy is complex, but unfortunately, does not appear to be gay or a cross dresser, which would sure as hell make him funnier.

  Now my new favorite guy I can't figger out is Administrator Stephen Johnson.  As in, the guy in charge of the EPA. This industrious gentleman has worked diligently since January of 2005 as if Earth itself was his mortal enemy.  If he had his way, we'd all be living in Asbestos-paneled houses coated in lead-based paint mixed with mercury.  Just think of every sensible thing you can think of regarding the environment.  He's not for that.

  But just today, he must've had one of those Ebenezer Scrooge dreams, where the ghosts of polar bears and baby lions take him back through his life to show him what a supreme tool he has been.  I say this because today the EPA called off the War on Human Existence.  Or at least agreed to a temporary truce.

 Today the Johnson-led EPA decided not to try to enact two new regulations changes that were so heinous that Bush waited until he was a duck so lame they could cut his legs off at the neck to push them through.  I talked about this assault on nature here.  A funny note about these two rules...one would change pollution assessment from hours to years, the other would change a different assessment from years to hours.  Both would move up the end of all life on Earth to around March next year, just after lunch.

  But a totally inexplicable thing happened.  Johnson woke up and looked between his legs, and, lo, there was a set of balls there.  He decided that he'd better go on and use them before they shriveled away to nothing, so the EPA announced today that they would no longer attempt to implement these new regs.  I don't know why.  If I had to guess, I'd say new evidence suggests there is some far more efficient way to annihilate Humanity, and he wants to get cracking on that right away.   

Tree huggers everywhere are crapping themselves and vomiting granola in disbelief and joy.  Then they wipe with leaves and bag everything up to take back to their mulch pile.  Meanwhile, the enemies of the planet are licking their wounds and hugging their clean coal teddy bears, waiting patiently for you to not notice while they turn West Virginia into a crater that used to be mountains and trees.  Because except for the fact that clean coal technology doesn't exist, it's great. 

  I suppose there's no point in trying to figure out the weird duality of guys like Haider, Byrd, and Johnson.  They're just three more examples of one of life's great lessons: nobody's perfec.