15 March 09

"Something wasn't natural about them, in addition to the fact that they weren't natural." -Col. David LeCours, Vermont Department of Fish and Wildlife chief warden.  He was talking about the antlers bolted onto the skull of a deer by Vermont dumbass Marcel Fournier, who will spend 10 days in jail for his abject stupidity.

28February 09

Ladies and Gentlemens!  The undisputed champions of suckitude*:
The Cleveland Browns!

*According to Google

22 February 09

The number of AC/DC songs with "Rock n Roll" in the title.  It goes up to 18 if you include all forms of the word "Rock".  "Ball" or "Balls" appears 4 times.

11 December 08

This Week:  Robert Byrd Speech Concerning Iraq, 2003 and a shorter cut of Byrd in action

25 November 08

I don't know if I can go on...
Mr. Bob Seger,  In the song, 'Turn the Page', are you seriously suggesting that some dude calling you a girl ruins your whole day, considering that you're a major star that gets laid any time he wants?
Get over it, man.

01November 08

The Pope Says Wealth Is Bad

No hyperlink...just don't be stupid.
11 October 08


Cursive is the Shark
Who only swims crookedly
and bangs into things.


This link will take you to my ancient ass website that preceded this'un
26 January 2009
55 Sentences About Another Number of Things

 I answer your indignant attitude about stupid Rod Blagojevich with a hale and hearty yawn, considering he's practicing quid pro quo, the politician's stock in trade, which any ex-politician would readily admit to. His hair however, should get him three to five hard time.

 There is no such thing as an ex-politician.

 How good could a song played by a tambourine man really be?

 What I don't understand about the popularity of 'American Idol' is, why isn't every bar in town packed on Karaoke Night?  Oh, that's right, A.I. doesn't involve getting off your permanently ass-printed couch, which you only do for White Castle or another two liter of 'Diet' soda.

 With Jaime Foxx (real name: Eric Bishop) and Joaquin Phoenix (real name: Joaquin Bottom) attempting music careers after playing Ray Charles and Johnny Cash, respectively, here's hoping Gwyneth Paltrow, Téa Leoni, Charlize Theron and whoever this chick is-

I wanna be her super villain...

 -play porn stars in their next films, and Renée Zellweger, Will Farrell, and The entire state of Alaska all sign up to play characters who drop off the face of the Earth.  

 There should be a show where Margaret Cho goes around bitch-slapping chicks like Katherine Heigl, Anne Hathaway, and Kate Hudson for crying about the objectification or underestimation of women while putting out crap like 27 Dresses  and Bride Wars.

 Brett Favre sucks, and I would rather have the entire cast of Desperate Housewives forcibly inserted into my rectum without anesthesia than hear another word about the guy.

The MVP of Overexposure

 FOX is slowly ruining the NFL and MLB, who would both like to welcome NCAA football to the sad, miserable club.

 While we're on the subject, the NCAA has added a game to the regular season, another bowl game after the bowl games, and stretched "bowl season" from being over on the 1st of January to dragging out like an NCAA basketball game to the (Motherfucking) 8th, while denying fans the playoff they deserve under the premise that the kids would miss too much school.  I call shenanigans on your arbitrary 'Championship' which only rewards teams who's fans spend money at bowls and proves nothing.  You're dead to me in 2009, NCAA football.

Nevada has picked the winning president 24 of the last 25 times, more accurate than any other state.  I always knew drunken whores, gamblers, and CSI agents were the bellwethers of society.

Andre Thomas, a Texas death row inmate, gouged out his one good eye and ate it(he gouged the first one out shortly before his trial in 2004), presumably after being forced to watch 30 RockWe'll keep getting awards, you keep not watching.Tina Fey looks just like the woman she impersonated, was funniest when she just quoted Palin directly, and wrote a show where she plays a comedy writer for a T.V. show?  Keanu Reeves has more range.

If you haven't got Bloc Party's Intimacy album in your rotation, your life is empty and without meaning for a reason.

 Mississippi currently ranks number one as the state with the most teen pregnancies per capita AND the fattest people, but narrowly missed being the stupidest state (#2) to Arizona.  Still waiting for that 'rise again' thing.

You got to love that Roland Burris, a guy who builds his own mausoleum and plasters it with odes to himself before he's dead, gets into the Senate, because you can't write comedy like that even if you're Tina Fey.

His ego has it's own special wing of the tomb... Unlike Tina Fey, Jenny McCarthy is a damn funny woman, but is really pissing me off with this anti-vaccinating-your-kids kick she's on lately.  Even if vaccines gave your kid autism, which they don't, they keep your kid from being a rubella and polio infested retard.  All in all, it's the needle, or the damage done.

Yes, I am aware of the Neil Young song of the somewhat similar name.

If you're wondering if you're smart or not, here's a good indication: read some Gore Vidal, and if you can comfortably read along and understand what the man is saying, congratulations, you are probably at least bright.

Existence gave Marcus Schrenker, a 38 year-old investment prick from the Hoosier state, a Karmic bitch-slap, in the form of his scam businesses getting busted and his wife jumping on the last bus out of town with all the gold a nice pair of tits could dig out of a rich-on-paper catastrophic failure.  He attempted to escape Karma's inter-dimensional reach by faking an air emergency and bailing out of his auto-piloted-plane.  Unfortunately, it did not crash into a Hollister store or a Best Buy, which would have probably got him some good Karma to barter with.

FOX has cancelled 'Prison Break', an utterly stupid series where some dude gets thrown into and subsequently breaks out of prison seemingly every week.  Luckily, CBS has a show called 'Flashpoint', an utterly stupid series where the busiest SWAT sharpshooters on Earth agonize over having shot or not shot some criminal seemingly every week.

TARP- Taken Away from Regular People.  Total Assholes Robbing People.  Tally Another Rape of the Population.  I could, of course, go on for days.

Also apparently on it's last legs is 'Battlestar Galactica', an utterly stupid series where one of the greatest womanizing, gambling, cigar-chomping, Viper-piloting, good-timing space-swashbucklers of all time, Dirk Benedict's masterful Starbuck, was recast as a girl.  Stupidest Idea Ever.They fucking made me a CHICK?!?  Noooooooooooo...

John Cusack is a political commentator now?  Well, the man makes a damn good point, and let's face it: GWB makes Nixon look like those two guys who tried (and sadly failed) to kill Macaulay Culkin in 'Home Alone'.  Jail is truly too good for the absolutely undisputed worst president of anything ever.  Now I can punch him in the face and it will just be simple assault.

Having scored with the Fey/Palin thing, SNL is predictably impersonating every political anyone these days.  I haven't laughed at a single joke on SNL in over ten years, but I'm sure that's only because it is absolutely never funny.

Not ever.

From Joe the Plumber, Journalist: "I don't think journalists should be anywhere allowed war (sic). I mean, you guys report where our troops are at. You report what's happening day to day. You make a big deal out of it. I think it's asinine. You know, I liked back in World War I and World War II when you'd go to the theater and you'd see your troops on, you know, the screen and everyone would be real excited and happy for them. Now everyone's got an opinion and wants to downer-and down soldiers."

Because, you know, he was there, in a theater during World War I, with happy screens and  people who don't downer and down everything.

Are you still here?  Go make a friggin' difference or something...