15 March 09

"Something wasn't natural about them, in addition to the fact that they weren't natural." -Col. David LeCours, Vermont Department of Fish and Wildlife chief warden.  He was talking about the antlers bolted onto the skull of a deer by Vermont dumbass Marcel Fournier, who will spend 10 days in jail for his abject stupidity.

28February 09

Ladies and Gentlemens!  The undisputed champions of suckitude*:
The Cleveland Browns!

*According to Google

22 February 09

The number of AC/DC songs with "Rock n Roll" in the title.  It goes up to 18 if you include all forms of the word "Rock".  "Ball" or "Balls" appears 4 times.

11 December 08

This Week:  Robert Byrd Speech Concerning Iraq, 2003 and a shorter cut of Byrd in action

25 November 08

I don't know if I can go on...
Mr. Bob Seger,  In the song, 'Turn the Page', are you seriously suggesting that some dude calling you a girl ruins your whole day, considering that you're a major star that gets laid any time he wants?
Get over it, man.

01November 08

The Pope Says Wealth Is Bad

No hyperlink...just don't be stupid.
11 October 08


Cursive is the Shark
Who only swims crookedly
and bangs into things.


This link will take you to my ancient ass website that preceded this'un

Barstool Quarterback 2008 Past Weeks

Week Five: All Aboard the Train to Nowhere

  Obviously there will be nothing good said here about the 44-6 waffle stomp the NY Gints laid on the glass-jawed Seahawks.  I'm still cleaning up the projectile vomiting I did on Monday.  I waited til Monday because I wanted to be dead sober so that my upchuck would be pure embarrassment and utter contempt for the weak, weak display of football suckitude the Seattle team offered me in exchange for my love and attention. 
  I've gotten better treatment from Columbian Drug Lords who I owe money to and won't pay back. 
  After a non-shocking 4-and-out on their first possession, the Seahawks quickly allow a touchdown.  They then drive for a worthless field goal before giving up another quick touchdown.  This game was over early in the second quarter.  The Seahawks, down 17-3 already, have a 4th-and-one.  With huge momentum going the way of the G-men, Holmgren HAD to go for it there.  Had to.  If you can't get a yard, you can't win a game.
They don't go for it.  Lickety-split, it's Giants-24, Seattle-3.
Game over, hit the showers, clean up for the bus ride back to Losertown.
There really is no point in hashing it all out, other than to say, Kelly Jennings, you suck suck suck.  Man, you are really bad, dude.  Please stop that.

Week Three Report Card:
-Offense: F-
-Defense: F
-Special Teams: D-
-Overall: F
Word of Advice for Mike Holmgren:  Make you reservation for that Florida retirement community now, because you may not make it to the end of the season.  Do us all a favor and consider hanging it up NOW.  My God, man, don't take us all down with you!
Also, stop being a completely shitty shitty playcaller.  And motivator.  And Head Coach.
This week's SPIRIT AWARD* goes to:  Me and my fellow Seahawks fans.  Quite simply the stupidest fans in the NFL, because we'll be back to watch this three-month-long trainwreck derail again next week, instead of painting the garage or writing a great novel or any other thing that's not so masochistic.

*Named for the award Eric Cartman won for being the worst athlete at the Special Olympics